All bumps and bruises – my week as a roller derby ‘star’
I’ve often considered there to be two sports in which a rookie can instantly appreciate the skill of those in the profession, basketball and darts. Who’s ever hit a treble 20 on their first shot? After spending a week with the new recruits of the Glasgow Roller Derby team, I can now categorically add roller derby to that list. I even have a rather bruised posterior to prove it.
I’ll admit I knew very little about the sport, other than that it involved going around a track on roller skates, but after a chance meeting (the rookies happened to be training in the gym as I was playing football in the same facility) I became oddly mesmerised by the sport. Ever the keen journalist, I figured it would be a good story to give it a wee shot and try and learn more about the sport. Maybe even take in a match or two, although I am reliably informed that they are actually called bouts, to give it that violent edge, I suppose.
A close friend, Kenny Reid, was equally mesmerised after witnessing the training session in the gym and decided that he wanted to come along and give it a shot too. He’s the sort of bloke that will give anything a try, you see. Hot-tub, mankini, stag do. That’s all I’ll say.
So, on a cold and wet summer day, as if there are any other type in Glasgow, we made our way to the Firhill Complex in Maryhill to make our roller derby debuts, somewhat excited and nervous. Under the watchful eyes of Jazza ‘Bruise Dog’ Crawford, and a heavily bearded man known simply as Danger, presumably not his birth name, I kitted up and took my first steps towards a trophy laden roller derby career. Or maybe not. No sooner was I up on my skates, than I was falling back down again. That seemed to be the general theme of the night for me, but I thoroughly enjoyed it nonetheless and Bruise Dog assured me that many rookies have similar experiences on their first night. Kenny, on the other hand, seemed like a natural.
One thing that was obvious from the start was not merely the skill that even the new recruits had picked up in the six short weeks since their induction, but just how fit you have to be too. From an outsider, it appeared that the skaters were merely gliding, that the skates were doing all the work, but alas, that is not the case. After merely half an hour of falling every ten yards I had worked up a heck of a sweat. It reminds me of when I was younger and would see my mother come home exhausted after spending an hour on the horse and saying to her ‘but surely you just sit there and the horse does all the work.’ It wasn’t until many years later, when I was eventually brave enough to try it out for myself, that I realised that wasn’t the case. Kenny later admitted that ‘roller derby had me using muscles I didn’t even know I had,’ before further commenting that ‘when I first saw the newbies, I was thinking how hard could it be knowing you have skates on? I regret saying that now having tried it.’
So after my roller derby debut lasted all of an hour or so, I decided to get down to the nitty-gritty and find out more about the sport. I began by asking how they got into a sport that is hardly in the public eye. Devils Advoskate, who was one of the teachers, stated that it was simply a flyer in a pub that caught her eye. ‘It looked really interesting and I wanted to try it,’ she said, before further commenting that once she took in a bout she immediately loved the sport, while TurbuLinz said that it took her a bit more time to pluck up the courage to put on the skates, saying that she had gone to bouts for about a year before making the decision to take part.
From an outsider’s perspective, with all the bumping and bashing involved in the sport, and all the pads and protection needed before one can actually skate, I was keen to find out whether or not the sport was actually as violent as it appeared. Not so, said newbie recruits Stuart and Denise. ‘There is the odd accidental hit that makes you fall hard, but there’s no real violence in it,’ stated Stuart. That was something Denise backed-up, adding that ‘there’s no real malice in it…you’ll see teams giving it gusto during the game but afterwards it’s all forgotten about.’
It would be remiss not to mention that to be an important aspect of the game. After taking in a couple of bouts on Saturday, it was clear that the roller derby community is a close-knit, highly sociable one. If someone hits you during a bout, it genuinely is just part of the game and you have a drink and a laugh together afterwards. That aspect was something that appealed to Kenny, who said ‘I always thought American football had a good social aspect but roller derby is a different level. The way we were welcomed into the group is a credit to the sport…it’s something I could get used to.’
Roller derby is clearly a minority sport, and as such, I was interested to see just how professional the set-up was, both within Glasgow and the country as a whole.
There are numerous teams under the Glasgow Roller Derby umbrella, and much like the Minor League system in the NHL and MLB, it’s a case of working your way to the top of the pile. The top two teams are the Irn-Bruisers and the Maiden Girders, who compete against teams from around Europe.
At the time of writing the Bruisers lie in 7th place in the European Interleague Rankings, while the ‘B’ team Girders lie 9th in Division 2, although that makes them the second highest ranked ‘B’ team, below the Brawl Saints of the London Rollergirls club. Just below that are the three ‘home teams’ (Hell’s Belles, Bad Omens and the Death Stars) who bout against each other, something that TurbuLinz stated was important as it ‘gives everyone a chance to get some experience.’
The new recruits undertake a four month training course before being assigned to a ‘home team.’ However, Sarah McMillan informed me that firstly, the recruits have to pass a minimum requirements test before being drafted to a team, and even then
So players have to pass stringent tests, which Bruise Dog stated included largely health and safety aspects of the game, such as can the skater fall without injuring other skaters?
Another aspect of the sport that I was keen to explore was why it appeared to be largely dominated by females, and whether or not the female players welcomed the male players. Somewhat unsurprisingly, given that their partners participate too, both Denise and TurbuLinz were keen to stress that anyone and everyone is welcome. As for why the sport mainly attracts females, opinions were differing. Denise felt that the fact a lot of the movements and hits involved using the hips was a factor, something I noticed first hand at the bouts, while both Devils Advoskate and Stuart, on the other hand, were keen to stress that the number of males in the sport was certainly on the rise. Kenny, who admits that he has ‘fallen in love with the sport,’ said that while the majority of skaters were female, it’s not ‘something that would put me off.’ How much the fact that a lot of the girls wear hot pants has to do with that is anyone’s guess, I suppose.
As if by magic, I had arranged to take in the training session immediately prior to the first bouts of the season, and on Saturday, both Kenny and I experienced live roller derby for the very first time, and within seconds we were both hooked. While I attempted to remain professional, Kenny was screaming and shouting in my ear and getting caught up in the excitement of it all. I for one certainly couldn’t blame him.
There was a very American, almost WWE style to proceedings. There were over the top player intros and two announcers that reminded me of Jonny Gomez and Nick Diamond from Celebrity Deathmatch. At times they literally were just having everyday conversations with one another, on a microphone and in front of a crowd. Yet there were also cake and stuffed toy stalls to add that bit of quaint Britishness to the day. It seemed that while there were two bouts to be had, at this level at least, the sport does not to take itself too seriously.
When the action got underway, the first thing that sprung to my head was David Cameron when he watched an NCAA tournament game with Barack Obama and admitted that he found it difficult to fully understand what exactly the players were doing wrong, but I quickly picked it up, thanks in no small part to some helpful spectators.
First up was the Jakey Bites against the Inhuman League, from Sheffield. While the Jakey Bites are a relatively new team, and are the only male team in Scotland, the Inhuman League were experienced skaters, so it was a tough task against a far superior and more advanced team. Despite the 314-40 defeat, the crowd was fired up and cheering to the very last second.
Then something unexpected, for me at least, happened. The crowd gathered round the track to receive high fives off both teams as they took a lap (or two) of honour. This was something that really appealed to me and struck me as another attractive little quirk of the sport.
The second bout, between the Bad Omens and the Death Stars, was much closer. The Bad Omens emerged victorious by just less than 80 points, despite a spirited fight back from the Death Stars, who were flanked by numerous Storm Troopers. With it being a female bout, it was interesting to notice the differing styles, especially when it came to hitting. As the new recruits had said, the women seemed to hit a lot with the hip, while the guys were all about upper body contract and shoulder barging.
Despite not fully grasping all aspects of the sport, to suggest I enjoyed myself would not come close to correctly describing the experience. Both Kenny and I cannot speak highly enough of the group of people that we spent the week with, and I must confess to being absolutely hooked on the sport. I will definitely be looking to take part in future, probably more as a non-skating official than as a skater in truth (although maybe that’s just the sore bum talking).
So, if you want to try something new and a bit different, and you’re in the Glasgow area, take a look at www.glasgowrollerderby.com for details of how to join either as a skater or a non-skating official, and become part of something that’s pretty awesome.
