EIHL Tweets of the Week: 12/11-19/11

by UK American Sports Fans

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It was a quieter week than usual on Twitter, so I’ve taken this opportunity to gather together a small collection of Tweets that really display the finest qualities of the unique species we call Elite League hockey players, that we may understand them and their mysterious habits.

The Ice Hockey Player – noun

  1. An enigmatic creature; phylum: athlete, genus: sportsman with stick.
  • Latin name: skaterus maximus.
  • Habitat: local ice rinks, Mexican eateries, or sleeping soundly in their beds.

Here beginneth the lesson.

Lesson 1) The hockey player exists in a rarefied state and may therefore have serious problems distinguishing reality from fantasy. View for example, exhibit A, Nottingham Panthers Marc Levers, who asks of team-mate Josh Ward:

OK, there may have been a liberal smattering of sarcasm included here – however it indicates that either one, or the other of them, has need of further education in this area.

Lesson 2) Never underestimate the ability of a hockey player to appreciate his front from his rear – clearly demonstrated through use of the forecheck and backcheck. Oh, and this:

Mr Scoon plays for Fife Flyers; clearly this has equipped him with superior knowledge of careers in aviation.

Lesson 3) The hockey player allowed free reign over his leisure time is clearly a danger to himself and others.

Lesson 4) A creature of habit, the hockey player will not let any opportunity to catch up on some sleep pass him by.

Lesson 5) Left to his own devices, the hockey player may lose sight of what passes for big news in the world of current affairs. This may leave him confused and disorientated.

Lesson 6) When scouting for suitable quiz team members, you would do well to avoid even the fully high school qualified hockey player.

Lesson 7) Despite his better judgement, the hockey player’s stomach will always triumph in a battle between body and mind. This may result in devastating consequences.

Ever resourceful however, the hockey player will find solutions to even his most taxing physical issues.

Lesson 8) Despite mounting evidence to the contrary, the discerning hockey player is not averse to self-improvement, even by means of more dangerous and experimental cerebral techniques.

Lesson 9) Opportunistic by nature, the self-promoting hockey player is happy to offer his own image to the media to further the cause of his sport.

Lesson 10) Left undisciplined, the lazy hockey player will show no improvement. The partner of the hockey player should be willing to resort to drastic measures to get the best from her mate.

Here endeth the lesson.

But wait – I can’t let this week’s edition pass by without recognition of a Tweet that made me giggle like a schoolgirl this week. I hereby present ‘EIHL Fan Tweet of the Week’, a new ad hoc feature which will appear as and when I feel someone worthy of the honour.

Our inaugural Fan Tweet of the Week belongs to Blaze fan, webcast commentator and blog writer extraordinaire, Paul Wheeler, who came out with the following cracking musical declaration last week:

I love it. I was even happier when I figured out where ‘Shea Guthrie’ would fit in the song (think about it). I may even begin an ‘EIHL Squad-Themed Song’ feature in the near future. Watch this space, sports fans!