Rollympic Games – Part 1
Channelling the sporting fever that is currently gripping the nation, the Newcastle Roller Girls had a titanic athletic battle of their own to contend with on Saturday 14 July at Walker’s sporting arena of increasingly legendary status, the Lightfoot Centre, or Walker Activity Dome as it has apparently been re-named; a somewhat jolly-sounding moniker for a place that looks as though it’s been constructed from the fallout of political level industrial-sized seventies version of robot wars.
Manchester Roller Derby’s Checker Broads were the opponents for NRG’s top bouting squad: ranked 16th in division 2, with Newcastle’s Canny Belters ranked 21st, the bout promised to be a well-matched contest. The B team’s bout, however, seemed on paper to be heavily weighted in favour of the visitors, Kent Roller Girls ranked 3rd in Division 3 whilst the Whippin’ Hinnies sat all the way down at 23rd in the standings in the same league. They were first up to defend the honour of their home soil, and the London Olympic comparisons could be extended to the Walker Activity Dome in as much as the place is a proud local sporting venue which has been the recipient of a recent facelift, however the comparisons end there, as tickets were not more difficult to procure than miniature golden elephants, they did not cost the same as a Moet and Caviar supper at the Ritz, and getting into the event did not require international airport terminal levels of security (although rumours of an optional internal cavity search on entrance have yet to be disproven).
However, this was not to say it was less popular than the Olympics, oh no. For starters, it didn’t cost over £2 billion of taxpayers money to organise, It didn’t foul up the public transport system of an entire city, and there weren’t a bunch of annoying posh blokes running the show. Yet as the crowds trickled in it looked as though it could be as close to a sell-out as a strangely shaped seventies UFO-style sports centre in the outskirts of Newcastle could possibly get.
Introductions for the B Team bout began with the Kent roller girls, eye-catching in their shiny gold costumes and with a collection of great roller derby names including my personal favourite, Killa Knightly. NRG’s B team the Whippin’ Hinnies came on to Ant and Dec, a topical and indeed tasteful musical selection given the location, and most noticeable among their ranks was the fantastically coloured hair of the most excellent Überschnell, who seems to have bounced between A and B squads and stands out every bout as one of NRG’s top competitors. There followed the usual demonstration of the rules, always good as a reminder (although I’m getting a bit good at the rules these days). The announcer helpfully ended his explanation with the closing statement ‘just cheer when they hit each other.’ I can get behind that philosophy.
Feeling somewhat braver than usual, we sat in the lower tier of seating – not quite the suicide seats yet but getting there. My complacency over knowing what was going on was short-lived: as the bout kicked off at high speed, I was thrown into initial confusion. The first couple of jams were a blur and it occurred to me that not only was the aspect from the lower seating causing some viewing malfunction, but the rapidly improving quality of the B team bouts meant there was simply no time for getting one’s brain into gear – normally by the time the main event begins I’m suitably ready to go but these girls are the real deal now, and there’s no room for idling minds – this is full-on action, right from the off.
Kent were very much up for the challenge and took the early advantage with a couple of successful jams and some great blocking. As the bout went on it looked set to be a high octane yet even contest, and although Kent’s pack made it difficult for the Hinnies to pick up points initially, with Penny Bizarre taking lead jammer the home side came back into contention, although a fast-moving pack made it difficult for her to score highly. In the next jam, despite her fantastic purple hair, Überschnell was thwarted by some good checking from the Kent girls but the Hinnies’ pack did their best to block and she finally broke through to pick up points and edge the NRG girls into the lead.
>The game was fast-paced and physical, with less of the tactical moves on display by the A team girls, but it made for a thrilling contest, and the first of the day’s big falls involved a pile-up of blockers from both sides, allowing the Hinnies to pick up lead jammer and the pack quickly reassembled, slowing the pace and allowing their girl through to pick up a stunning 18 points – the first of the day’s superjams! (I don’t think that’s a real term. But I’m using it anyway. It seems fitting).
Newcastle took the knee on the jam line and there was some stalling at the beginning of the next jam, but it seemed to pay off as despite Kent taking lead jammer they failed to score. The second attempt at the kneeling start resulted in Überschnell picking up lead jammer, and by the time she was double-teamed by Kent blockers and taken out she had already picked up a precious 3 points.
Kent bit back immediately, Faery Quad Mother taking lead jammer and achieving a grand slam, but instead of calling off the jam she continued, absolutely flying and pulling a massive points haul to lift the score for the visitors. There were some interesting physical moves going on as a tactical Hinny hipcheck led to a broken pack situation which slowed down the points bleed, and after this one of the most unorthodox checks of the day occurred on Penny Bizarre, as a Kent blocker performed a sort of shimmying chest block on the NRG lead jammer. It was quite girly and not what we’d come to expect from these usually Amazonian warriors. Props though, as it did the job.
Both teams continued to notch up points as the momentum swung back and forth. The score was 48-25 in favour of the home side but more solid jamming from Kent closed out the first half with a handful of extra points to bring the scores closer.
The second half began with the Hinnies in control, a kneeling start allowing Überschnell to take off at breakneck speed and perform one full pass before calling off the jam. Then it was Kent’s turn to do the same, Elsie Dagger having a great jam fighting her way through to collect valuable points for her side. The game was picking up pace, blockers giving their all to try and prevent the rampant jammers making their presence felt, but Überschnell battled her way through on her next jam before ending up in a one-on-one tussle with Kent’s jammer, in a strange situation which was a new one on me, as it was unclear who was lead jammer, and it only became obvious when the Kent jammer broke free and Überschnell called off the jam to prevent her rival from picking up any points.
Straight away I was foiled again, another jammer battle between Kent’s Mayjour Collison and Hot Whips rendering me unable to discern who was in control. But the scores crept up slowly and now stood at 70-34 in favour of the Hinnies. It was the most exciting B team bout I’ve seen to date and I really was on the edge of my seat. And not just because the benches were really narrow.
There were some great defensive displays by both sides in the jams that followed and scoring was limited, Hot Whips the most successful of the Hinnies jammers as the scoreline stagnated, slowly creeping up to 76-36. Anything Kent could do, Newcastle could do better as every time the visitors put points on the scoreboard their rivals would answer. But then Kent broke out their tactical nous, taking lead jammer and marshalling an almost static pack. The Hinnies tried their best to block and slow down the jammer but they couldn’t stem the flow of points and Kent added 16 to their total and suddenly it was game on once again – 76-54.
The Kent pack had Überschnell well and truly pinned and Mayjour Collision broke away to take lead jammer once again – the lead was in danger of slipping away but a big collision (Mayjour, you might even say) – possibly orchestrated by the Hinnies blockers – ensured she only picked up 2. Once again Hot Whips took lead jammer and sneaked a pass to edge the home side a few more points into the lead, followed by Marie Bayonet whose strong jam picked up another four to re-establish the Hinnies’ convincing hold on the bout.
But Kent were never far away, the ever-present Mayjour Collision sliding through the pack to rack up a very respectable 9 points – it was all going to be a matter of time and one good jam for Kent could tip the scales. There was plenty of pushing, shoving and falling over as the tension built, Faery Quad Mother picking up lead jammer and somehow acquiring a raft of points despite some good hits being thrown by the home blockers. The scoreline was suddenly very close again and it was squeaky bum time for the Hinnies as the seconds ticked away with the scoreline poised at 85-73.
So great was the tension in the building we didn’t realise quite how close to the end of the bout we actually were, and as Hot Whips took lead jammer and began show-boating, pulling off some moon-walking followed by a rather athletic figure-skating flip, we looked on, bemused – what was this all about? Why wasn’t she trying to get more points? Oh, it was because the bout had ended – and in a win for the hinnies. It was a great victory for them and should see them climb the standings.
One gold medal achieved for NRG, one still all to play for. Part two to follow, in which we marvel at the clash of the Rollympic Titans… Manchester Roller Derby v Newcastle Roller Girls.
Photo courtesy of Idene Roozbayani